For a woman who hates cold and snow, I find it curious that I am so enthralled by mountains, especially snow-covered ones. There's something very spiritual--divine, I think--about mountains. They reach up into the sky, above it all. There are closer to heaven than anyplace else upon which our own bodies can carry us. They are raw, harsh, desolate, and can be life-taking. Yet they are also life-giving. Life-changing.
A few nights ago I dreamed I was in a mountaineering class. We were being taught about avalanches. The instructor told us that 1/3 of people caught in avalanches land upside down, but that they can't tell that they are upside down. I don't know if this is true in reality, but it was important in my dream.
In the dream, I was not worried about being caught in an avalanche. After all, when am I ever close enough to a snowy mountain to be swept away? That was my thought.
Then, suddenly, I was swept away by an avalanche. No warning, no time to react. Just tumbling over and over and over. No control. No idea when it would stop. And then it did stop, but I was buried. And I could not tell whether I was right side up or upside down. I didn't know what to do, how to dig out. How far down I was buried, I did not know. I didn't know what to do. I felt panic---in my dream.
When I awoke I had a feeling of fear and overwhelm. And I remembered the dream. That in itself is amazing as I rarely remember my dreams, let alone the amount of detail I recalled from this one.
It was obvious to me why I had this dream. Dad was in the hospital again and dealing with him and his issues for the last 3 years has taken it's toll. I don't know what to do anymore--or not do. Work is another area where I'm not sure what to do. I recently met with my financial advisor and talked a bit about what I should do as far as my house and my underwater mortgage. And I had my 49th birthday, started Year 50 of my life. I've been doing a lot of soul searching.
Hence the avalanche metaphor. Climbing mountains can be life-affirming, confidence building, spiritually rewarding. It can also kill you.
